Losing a close friend

[Dave J]

As above, have many of you been through this?

I lost one of my best friends on Thursday night. There's a few unanswered questions at the moment around the circumstances, but maybe will know more tomorrow after the post mortem.

I've had the weekend, and have collected myself up - I know I'll never see him again, and as such a vibrant person, the memories really make up for this as I can smile about so many great times. My group of friends have been great, so all the talking, has really helped. I knew him for 22 years, so speaking with his family & partner has been good too.

Sadly, I keep thinking about the things we haven't done - he was an absolute car nut like me. Always doing trackdays & club meets in his MX-5. My resolve is to do them anyway. So that's Le Mans, go back to the Nurburgring, go to Goodwood again, etc.

I'm sorry for what is a heavy post, but wondered who has been in the same boat and just wondered how you found solace.
 

[Andy]

Sorry for the loss Dave,One of my best mates past away suddenly last year with no warning at all as he was in good health

[Adam0604]

Sadly, I keep thinking about the things we haven't done

Firstly, I'm so sorry to learn of your loss ... I couldn't imagine losing my best mate 

The only advice I can possibly give, and the reason I quoted the above specific line, don't dwell on what could have been, remember your friend for who he was and the great memories you shared. Remember him when you were having a right laugh, remember the events you did go to together.

I hope that you can find a way to deal with the loss .. Obviously as best as anyone could do

[gtavalanche]

Sorry for your loss, best thing you could do in his memory is to do the things you planned together but maybe try to raise some money for a charity that means something to him or you or even his family.

[AJP]

Sadly, I keep thinking about the things we haven't done

Firstly, I'm so sorry to learn of your loss ... I couldn't imagine losing my best mate 

The only advice I can possibly give, and the reason I quoted the above specific line, don't dwell on what could have been, remember your friend for who he was and the great memories you shared. Remember him when you were having a right laugh, remember the events you did go to together.

I hope that you can find a way to deal with the loss .. Obviously as best as anyone could do

I couldn't say better than Adam said here.

Really sorry for your loss man. Time heals. Might not feel that way now, but it does.

KOKO.

[Dave J]

Sorry for the loss Dave,One of my best mates past away suddenly last year with no warning at all as he was in good health

Thanks Andy - sorry to hear yours news too. It's just such a horrible shock.

Sadly, I keep thinking about the things we haven't done

Firstly, I'm so sorry to learn of your loss ... I couldn't imagine losing my best mate 

The only advice I can possibly give, and the reason I quoted the above specific line, don't dwell on what could have been, remember your friend for who he was and the great memories you shared. Remember him when you were having a right laugh, remember the events you did go to together.

I hope that you can find a way to deal with the loss .. Obviously as best as anyone could do

Cheers Adam - some great advice there. You're right, mustn't dwell on what we didn't get to do. Definitely have some fantastic memories, and hearing other funny stories from his Uni mates & other people in his life that I didn't know, certainly helps bring a smile.

Sorry for your loss, best thing you could do in his memory is to do the things you planned together but maybe try to raise some money for a charity that means something to him or you or even his family.

Many thanks - we're definitely doing something for charity which relates to the things he enjoyed in life.

I couldn't say better than Adam said here.

Really sorry for your loss man. Time heals. Might not feel that way now, but it does.

KOKO.

Thanks AJP - that's very true. Life goes on, and keeping busy helps. Just willing to remain strong for his family and partner, as it must be so much worse for them.

[MC71]

Sorry to read this Dave. 

No words do justice to a loss but as others have said time helps but for you it's too soon and too raw at the moment. I lost a great friend to Cancer a few years ago and I still miss him dearly. You'll find solace in memories that make you smile and others laugh but that will come in time.

As with family members who die they will always be with you as long as you talk about them, remembering them and sharing stories with others who knew them.

[prp74]

Really sorry to hear this. Can't imagine losing a close friend. Hope you are ok and just remember the good times you had. It seems you have a good group of friends and talking about it will keep his memories alive. All the best.

[Degudodger]

On this occasion, unfortunately Dave i know how you feel and do honestly feel your pain.

Next week it will be 12 months since i lost my youngest sister to a terminal illness, add to that, having lost five members of family in as many years, my wife undergoing treatment for late stage 3 Cancer a couple of years ago and being told to prepare for the worse i have become numb to it. My friend's mother who i have known for 30+ years passed suddenly 6 months ago and i felt absolutely no emotion. Nothing. It felt horrendous as to the onlooker it must have looked like i just didn't care but i did, maybe more than they will ever know but i was unable to express myself. 

Life is fleeting. Recent events have underscored exactly how precious our time is on this rock. Care less of what others think, eat that doughnut, have that pint, don't go to Ikea, walk around on a Sunday scratching. Just do what makes you and your family happy and most importantly ditch Facebook as it only makes you bitter.

[MC71]

On this occasion, unfortunately Dave i know how you feel and do honestly feel your pain.

Next week it will be 12 months since i lost my youngest sister to a terminal illness, add to that, having lost five members of family in as many years, my wife undergoing treatment for late stage 3 Cancer a couple of years ago and being told to prepare for the worse i have become numb to it. My friend's mother who i have known for 30+ years passed suddenly 6 months ago and i felt absolutely no emotion. Nothing. It felt horrendous as to the onlooker it must have looked like i just didn't care but i did, maybe more than they will ever know but i was unable to express myself. 

Life is fleeting. Recent events have underscored exactly how little precious our time we have on this rock. Care less of what others think, eat that doughnut, have that pint, don't go to Ikea, walk around on a Sunday scratching. Just do what makes you and your family happy and most importantly ditch Facebook as it only makes you bitter.

Very well said.

[Dave J]

I'm really sorry, I haven't quoted each of your posts above (and Degudodger - I can't imagine what you've been through, but your words are so right - life IS fleeting...) ,& I do sincerely thank each of you for your input. 

One of the few things I can do for my best mate John is to post up his youtube links to share with you his driving, which he was still ever improving and enjoying in his mx-5 RS Ltd, right up to his last weekend.

Here's a vid of a wet Donington with him following me for a little while from 4mins 10...

dlBvA

Here from 8mins 20...

dlBvA

dlBvA

Oh, such good times mate...

[r5gtt]

Sorry to hear of your unfortunate loss mate.

Hope you feel better in time as it's not nice to lose a close family or friend.

R5

[Degudodger]

I'm really sorry, I haven't quoted each of your posts above (and Degudodger - I can't imagine what you've been through, but your words are so right - life IS fleeting...) ,& I do sincerely thank each of you for your input. 

One of the few things I can do for my best mate John is to post up his youtube links to share with you his driving, which he was still ever improving and enjoying in his mx-5 RS Ltd, right up to his last weekend.

Here's a vid of a wet Donington with him following me for a little while from 4mins 10...

dlBvA

Here from 8mins 20...

dlBvA

dlBvA

Oh, such good times mate...

Its a strange feeling. I have my moments and no doubt will have crap days, like you will however there is nothing i can do to change what has happened. I just need to crack on with things.

Always remember the good times - never dwell on the what if's or i should haves.

[Dave J]

Agree 100% with you! It was still another $hit weekend, but a happy $hit weekend with his partner & sister - lots of laughs about what we did together. The stories you forget over the years...

[Dave J]

Well, I'm utterly sad to say that I've found out a lot more this week, and all the hopes I'd had of an underlying condition or accident  have been crushed by the fact my mate deliberately took his own life in the MX-5 he loved.

As all I've read - he must have been in a terrible mental state (of which there was no sign) to have done this, but I think we'll never know why. He had (to us friends) a vibrant happy life, lots of wit, banter, travelling, good job, long term partner, an amazing house that they'd worked on for a couple of years. Don't believe there were money worries, and he was doing everything he loved even to his last weekend.

Something must have really got to him somehow, and I don't know why on that specific day. I do suspect work, but so sad given he was due a promotion the next day. Maybe something had gone terribly wrong and he couldn't see a way out without losing face / status.

Realising the fact that we'll probably never actually know why, but are gutted that he couldn't share with us how he was feeling, I wouldn't EVER think less of him for asking for help - I'd have been there. Still, he was always competitive & proud - maybe the trait of not lending himself to reaching out.

Sorry for such a post, we're all trying to find answers, which I think won't be found...

Dave