Talking of football and pubs read this joke recently , thought it was funny,
A young couple are just about to have their first child, the woman has got very bad cravings for all funny things to eat , the husband likes a bit of a drink and a football match at the pub, one day the wife says “I fancy some snails†, “snails“ he said “snails†she says, so off he goes to get the snails.
On his way back from the market he bumps into a old friend he hadn’t seen since school, “fancy a drink, the united games on†says his mate, “ok†he says, off they go to the pub .
7 hours later he’s on his way back home ,(pissed as a fart) he is wobbling all over the road , walking up his drive he trips and drops all the snails all over the drive, his wife comes out and says “ were the f**k have you been†, he looks down at the snails and says â€Âcome on lads not far to go nowâ€Â.