....Er, you're fairly expert, Carl - Ian's spannering skills might be more like mine and does he have the right tools? Is there a How-To guide for him?
That's the funniest thing i have heard for a while. Trust me im no expert in any way shape or form
All you need is a set of Axle stands and the following Tools.
T25 & T27 Torx bits (For removing undertray)
5 or 6mm Allen Key (Some also have a T30 Torx bolt) or Bit you can attach to a Small Socket spanner.
I'm pretty sure i have the pics to make a tutorial so i will knock one up later if i get chance. If not i'll try and take some pics this weekend
But this is the process.
Jack car up and Place on axle stands ( do not do this on a Jack you could get seriously hurt or killed)
Get underneath the car. On either side of the undertray you will see 4 x T25 Torx Bolts. Undo these and place in a container.
At the rear of the undertray (towards the centre of the car) you will see 3 slightly larger T27 Torx bolts (i have known these to be T30 aswell). Remove these and place in the container with others. Undertray will drop down so keep hand on it or you could break the plastic arms at the front.
Pull undertray towards rear of car and it will slide off. Place this out the way.
On the Drivers side of the car at the rear of the engine you will see the Turbo. Attached this is the DV. Unclip the electrical connector from the DV. The DV is then held in by either 3 x 5/6mm allen bolts or 3 x T30 bolts. Undo these to remove the DV. Replace the DV and do up the bolts (hand tight followed by 1/2 turn is enough) and re-connect the electrical connector.
Job done. Now just re-fit the undertray and lower the car