Tommorows meet will be full of these people.
Bourboneers - a group of bourbon eaters
Bourber - a bourbon eater (masculine)
Bourbonette - a bourbon eater (feminine
For the benefit of those outside the bourbon distribution area, a bourbon cream is two rectangular biscuits roughly 3cm x 6cm, and 5mm in depth, on either side of an oval of chocolate goo which never spills out from the sides of the biscuit1. This chocolate invention has created many schools of thought depending on the personality of the consumer. For example:
The theosophist
Why do we eat chocolate bourbons, when they make us sick?
The competitor
How can I eat more chocolate bourbons than my friends?
The sociologist
Look at all the ways that people eat the chocolate bourbons. How quaint.
How to Eat a Chocolate Bourbon Cream
The Traditional Method
Some gorge on the bourbon in the same way you would eat, say, a digestive, though some bourbers would argue this demotes the bourbon to mere 'everyday biscuit' status and labels it fit only for dunking purposes.
Scrape Method
First, the top biscuit is removed and eaten whole. The body thinks, 'Okay, a chocolate bourbon biscuit without goo.'
The body therefore releases its own sugar rush to compensate.
Imagine the body's surprise when the bourber scrapes the goo with his/her bottom teeth.
The double rush of chocolate renders the scrape-style bourbon eater in chocolate heaven.
Once this rush is achieved the scraper will never go back to the traditional way of bourbatious mastication.
The increased glucose in the body seriously hampers said person for life2.
The Double Whammy
The bourber extracts the top biscuit layer with their teeth and consumes it, leaving the central cream layer as intact as possible.
He/she nibbles off the bottom layer of biscuit that protrudes around the cream, leaving an irregular oval of cream-on-base-biscuit.
The eater carefully snaps this remainder in half.
Licking one cream half gently, the bourber (or bourbonette) places this on top of other half, pressing lightly to adhere.
He/she carefully bites off what has now become the top layer of biscuit base.
Slowly consuming the remaining piece of base, topped as it is with a luxurious double layer of cream, it is time to...
Sigh deeply.
An enjoyable day indeed stealth, shame you cant come and help eat our feast tommorow.
