Funny sayings

[Scousus maximus]

I've seen a few funny sayings on here and reckon there are probably loads still to come so let's hear what you've got. I'll kick off with:

When describing bad luck " if I fell into a barrel of t1ts I'd come up sucking my thumb"

When describing a fugly woman "even the tide wouldn't take her out"

etc etc

Regards,

John