I had similar problems in October, been looking for 6 months now, for the right spec
http://www.mk5golfgti.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,35928.0.html
If your not sure then always walk away. Any decent dealer will always allow you time and answer any questions without hestitation, just make sure you do your homework.
Id be happy 3 or 5dr, DSG, must have xenons, Highline, armrest, MFSW be great but easily retro fitted with it having DSG.
Wow. That post really did open my eyes. Seems to be a lot more common than one would like. Which is a shame.
I agree with your wish list, without armrest something feels missing to my eyes in the interior. I think all eddy's have am armrests, could be wrong. ED30 has red stitching on the steering wheel retrofit would look out of place with standard stitching. I forgot Highline display, again would want that.
I love the 3 door too not interested in 5 door. The most important thing to me is 3 door, xenons, DSG. The rest can be retrofitted as Ive come to learn via this forum!!
6 months is a long time to be searching for a car! I mean they're not exactly rare! Having said that I want my spec and nothing else so can totally understand and will probably take even longer as I won't allow myself to be rushed!