New Friday Joke thread!

[stealthwolf]

A blonde woman goes to the doctors.
"What seems to be the problem?" asked the Doctor.
"Something is terribly wrong. I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina."

The Doctor had a look, and replies "Those aren't postage stamps."














"They're the stickers off the bananas."

[stealthwolf]

Another blonde goes to the STD clinic complying of something "down below"..

The venereolologist's tut-tutting as he examines her gets her seriously worried.

"What is it Doctor?"

"Nothing too serious, just some little pappilomas..."

"Little WHAT?"

"Nowon't get alarmed, quite commonplav, you might say it's almost an occupational hazard..."

"Whatever do you mean?"

"Well, you know how Rugby players get cauliflower ears?"

"Ye-es, so?"

"Well you've got brothel sprouts."

[cuprajake]

Lol some crackers on here

[doylebros]

Teacher asks the kids in class,

"What do you want to be when you grow up?

"Billy says, "I wanna be a billionaire, have a beautiful bitch on my arm, give her a Ferrari, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel the world, a 200 ft yacht, an infinite visa card and I wanna screw her 3 times a day...

"The teacher, in shock, ignores the boy and turns to little Nancy and asks,

" What about you dear?"

"I wanna be Billy's bitch!"

[doylebros]

My mate is trying to set up a helpline for men that are addicted to masturbating.....I hope he pulls it off!

[doylebros]

Male Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, Will you marry me? The Princess said, No!!! And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and banged skinny long-legged big-titted women and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to naked bars and dated women half his age and drank whisky, beer and Captain Morgan and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony and banged cheerleaders and layed in bed allSunday morning and kept his house and guns and collected old bottles ate spam and potato chips and beans and blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was frikin cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up. The end

[MC71]

Q: How can you tell which is the head nurse?

A: The one with the dirty knees.

[doylebros]

Q: How can you tell which is the head nurse?

A: The one with the dirty knees.

Good start for the early morning crack.   

[Marc-5-GTI]

So Kerry Katona is pregnant.

She was asked "Do you know what sex it will be?"

"Probably just anal for the next 9 months" she replied.

[MC71]

The rescue team finds the crashed airplane.

The lone survivor is chewing on a bone, with a huge pile of human bones next to him, and the rescuers are shocked.

He says, "You can't judge me for this. I had to survive."

The leader of the rescue team says, "But Jesus Christ, man... your plane only went down yesterday."

[Hedge]

One day during a game on the golf course I accidentally overturned my golf cart.

Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer who lives in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, “Are you okay?"

"I’m fine thanks," I replied.  “My name’s Jack,” I said and introduced myself.
 
"Jack, forget your troubles.  Come to my villa, rest a while and I'll help you get the cart up later,” she suggested.
 
"That's mighty nice of you," I answered “but I don't think my wife would like it."
 
"Oh, come on," Elizabeth insisted.  She was very pretty and very persuasive.
 
"Well okay," I finally agreed and added "but my wife won't like it."

After a restorative brandy, she insisted that I remove my clothes so she could give me a massage. Afterwards, I thanked my hostess for the exhilarating session I had with her.
 
"I feel a lot better now but I know my wife is going to be really upset."
"Don't be silly!” Elizabeth replied with a smile, “She won't know a thing.  Where is she, anyway?"

"Under the cart!" I said...

[monte]

My girlfriend said to me last night....

"if you turn the bed side lamp off, I'll take it up the arse"

with hindsight I should have waited for the bulb to cool down 

[Hedge]

[doylebros]

I was in bed with my little Japanese girlfriend last night and just happened to remark her fanny was getting a bit baggy.

She told me that I was always clittysizing....@

[Hedge]

I think this might even be a repost but what the hell.

Political correctness defined

"Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority
and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds
forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."