New Friday Joke thread!

[monte]

Just got this text message, not sure if it's a prank: " Congratulations! You have won £250 of shopping vouchers, or a night at an Elvis Presley tribute act. To claim your prize, press 1 for the money, 2 for the show...."

Doh!!! I wrote that one weeks ago mate.... further up the page 

[Apollo]

Just got this text message, not sure if it's a prank: " Congratulations! You have won £250 of shopping vouchers, or a night at an Elvis Presley tribute act. To claim your prize, press 1 for the money, 2 for the show...."

Doh!!! I wrote that one weeks ago mate.... further up the page 

I only read the last 2 posts lol.....so last week then!!

[mtj2k]

I thought I saw Michael J Fox in the Garden center today.

Couldn't be 100% sure though; he had his back to the fuchsia's

[MC71]

^^^^ lost me. Probably just me being slow.  

[stealthwolf]

^^^^ lost me. Probably just me being slow.  

Probably too young or too old. Michael J Fox was the lead in a trilogy called "Back to the Future".

[MC71]

^^^^ ah,  got ya!  Never saw them but remember the name now, is it too late to laugh? 

[monte]

Who picks up Guide dog sh*t? 

[Hedge]

Who picks up Guide dog sh*t? 

Watching Jimmy Carr? 

[vRS Carl]

Damn I meant to record that.

Edit - Just remembered the +1

[Hedge]

It'll be +1 in a few mins. 

[vRS Carl]

It'll be +1 in a few mins. 

 

[Mzareieg]

 

[GolfGIT]

Who picks up Guide dog sh*t? 

Watching Jimmy Carr? 

Apparently the same person that pays his income tax bill - Nobody!

[Hedge]

Kylie Minogue, Robbie Williams and Elton John were walking over a bridge.

Kylie trips and gets her head jammed between the railings.
 
With a sideways glance, Robbie pulls aside her G-String, and bonks her senseless!

He stands back and tells Elton, "Your turn!"

Elton bursts into tears.

"What's up?" asks Robbie.

Elton sobs, "My head won't fit through the railings!!"

[MC71]

^^^^