Ultimate Christmas Fruitcake
Here's the recipe (as best as I can remember it, it's a little fuzzy):
Ingredients:
1 cup water
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon sault
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
nuts
1 bottle of whiskey**
**NOTE: Whiskey may be replaced with your favorite swill^H^H^H^Hbeverage. (Being of Scottish ancestry, the originator naturally used Scotch.)
Directions:
Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup.
Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?
Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Throw the bowl out of the window, check the whiskey again and go to bed.
Murky Squishmas!
