Job Advice - PLEASE BE SERIOUS!!!

[MarkMarked]

It has the opportunity for me to relocate in a few years as well, state side or Europe. Such a big opportunity for ME.

My partner is happy and not for obvious reasons. She would not move (Midlands) becuase her family, friends etc.

How is that going to work, if you are in Europe and she won't move?

I'd take the second job just to be able to spend more time with the family. I've found that most people who have long communtes or long periods away suffer in their relationships, unless they are really strong to start with.

[Eddie-NL]

what's the job?

[Johnny_tro]

I think I know the answer deep down, but just did not want to admit to it - I have to say no 

Local....average job..........with family time

[mad_pete]

You could look for a more interesting job locally ?

[chungster]

Don't get it. Did you not discuss this with the other half BEFORE you applied for job 1 considering its in London, commute would be mental and also not seeing ur son much?

Also if both pay same then commuting into London is arm and leg so take home pay ultimately less.

By applying for job 1 shows you're willing to move yourself or commute for it regardless of other issues?

That's how I see it I'm afraid.

[MAT ED30]

A job is only a job family is something for ever through sickness and everything mate. Sit down with your wife and tell her your concerns as well.

[Johnny_tro]

We have talked, and yes I knew what the expect when I applied......honestly, I just never expected to get the job.

Travel costs < they contribute to them

Moving < I would pack and move tonight, she would never move, because of family and friends.

[MAT ED30]

What about moving a little closer to your new job but still easy for your wife to see family so atleast you can be home sooner

[rich83]

What about moving a little closer to your new job but still easy for your wife to see family so atleast you can be home sooner

Northampton? Fast train straight into Euston, close to birmingham, close to Silverstone. 

[Johnny_tro]

We have talked, and she really love is where we are....nice quiet area, live opposite a park - great for the kids. Family friends all close by.

5 min walk from her job
15 mins from sons school

Done a list of pro's and con's...........

Con's more than outway the pro's.


After reading all your comments, I kinda feel it obvious.......the job is just not practical and maybe I was just being selfish regarding the job and not taking them into account fully.

[DaveB@Vagbremtechnic]

They're kids for what seems like minutes pal, mine are 9 month sold now (twins) and I'm lucky in that I have a great deal of flexibility regarding hours. Having said that when I'm away I do miss them terribly..

Just an alternative point of view, If I have a busy day then invariably I'm away prior to the kids getting up and find myself driving like a dick in the rush hour to get home prior to bath/bed time to see them not always successfully.

So consider..... some commuting, a cheap guest house, a travel card...... your principal job is to provide for your family, if the London job is more secure with potentially more prospects that may pay dividends later...you may be able to have more flexibility over hours or even working from home.

My dad was in the merchant navy and spent weeks away from home at a time, he always made a 300% effort during his time at home and there was four of us!, there is the quality not quantity argument as well.

Sounds like you've made your mind up follow your heart and good luck with it

[Action jackson]

At the minute I'm working in Belfast and live in Manchester. I have 3 children and only took the job
Due to financial reasons. We were skint and it's an outrageous day rate
But believe me I can't wait for it to end I miss my children and wife so much.
It was a great job but the novelty soon wears off. For me it's family all the way before finances
I can't tell you how much you will regret it and if you ask your son if he would prefer you home all the time
Or nicer things he'll pick his daddy every time guarenteed. Hope this helps

[Johnny_tro]

All good advise, and its wierd how there different opinions......but ALL have valid reasons/good points.

Has helped a little....ideally would love to move - be great, but mrs wont even consider it. Lovely as she is, she is very much stuck in her ways - not a big fan on change. Likes to feel safe/secure/comfortable.....

hard to be flexible - would be 7.00 leaving, home for 8.30 give or take.....and occassional weekend work.

As for quality and quantity - know son would much prefer quantity over quality - seriously we do everthing together! Always ME, not his mom

[sub39h]

i don't have kids so maybe i'm not in the best place to help, but lived in b'ham until recently and may be moving to london in 6 months and my gf lives in cov so thinking about similar practicalities

if you lived somewhere like cov or warwick you're only 30 minutes from birmingham and about an hour away from london. to me that seems a fair compromise. i know you'd miss your son and wouldn't see him as often as you'd like but i would have hoped your parter is more supportive... you spend 1/3 of your life at your job, it seems unfair to make you deal with a job you wouldn't enjoy with few future propects just because she doesn't want to commute a little to work, or drive extra to see friends.

you might live in a nice area already, but if you don't look you don't know what else is out there so seems odd just to close the door on an opportunity.

in any event, if she's not willing she's not willing. what i'd do is flip a coin. when it's in the air, you'll know what you want.

[Johnny_tro]

No they are all valid points and I really really appreciate all the advise.

You do never know what is round the corner, but I have to say they are really very happy where we are. She does not drive, so it makes it a little more difficult.

I don't have issues with the commuting back and forth - my biggest issue is the kids.

Those that have had parents who worked away etc the big question is:

"When older (future) will my son appreciate was I was away alot to provide, give better future.....or will he just get old thinking I was never about ?"